Who am I?
Hello everyone my name is Erick Wales, born in ‘85 and originally from San Diego, California, I now live in Costa Rica with my wife, daughter, and our 5 dogs working from home for an AWS consulting partner in Latin America with a senior role in the technology department. I’ve started this Substack to chronicle my personal journey with mental health, the experiences I’ve had and the lessons I’ve learned.
Although I have not had any kind of official diagnosis in many years, I typically identify as “schizophrenic” as it is the most direct way to express the symptoms I feel on a day-to-day basis. The psychiatrist at the hospital when I was first admitted in 2013 had given me a preliminary diagnosis of Schizophrenia1 based on my presentation and the description of my behavior in the weeks/months/years leading up to my hospitalization. Some weeks later that was updated in Arizona by a different psychiatrist to Bipolar I2 N.O.S (not otherwise specified, as in I didn’t really meet the criteria of anything generally defined in the DSM V). It’s important to note that the doctor in Arizona had no idea I was answering all of his questions based on the advice of the voice in my head and doing my very best to play the role of someone “getting better”.
Later still in 2018 a psychiatrist here in Costa Rica told me I had Substance-induced Psychosis3, based solely on the fact that I was consuming large quantities of cannabis at the time of my heaviest episodes. She looked up from her clipboard maybe 5 times in the ~45 minutes we were together and ignored my constant companions of anhedonia, avolition, hygiene and self care issues, and disorganized speech/thoughts which have all endured even through long periods without consuming cannabis. I don’t deny cannabis' influence on my symptoms and experiences, simply that I have been this way since long before, and I am this way even without cannabis.
I imagine a patient psychiatrist today might diagnose me with Schizoaffective Bipolar type with aspects of AuDHD4. Actually, autism and schizophrenia have a long history of overlap5 and autistic people have a higher chance of experiencing psychosis as a result of cannabis consumption6 so the psychosis<->autism link may deserve more exploring in my case. All that said, for ease of comprehension I will generally refer to myself as “schizophrenic” or “schizotypal”.
Why am I here?
For over almost 15 years now I have heard the phrase “You should write a book” countless times in reference to my stories. Having little to no experience writing and a serious problem with organizing my ideas, this has been a huge challenge. In 2021 I started writing in Google Docs and recording audio files with the hope of putting together a memroir, though it has proved to be very difficult.
Recently after seeing my brother’s substack, and the greater community of neurodivergent writing on here, I was inspired to start sharing my stories. I still have aspirations for writing a full memroir but in the meantime I am excited to be able to get myself out there and receive feedback.
My primary goals with my writing are to demystify and destigmatize psychotic disorders, give people a behind-the-scenes look at what goes on in the mind of someone so lost they think they are the chosen son of god, and help others who suffer similar experiences find peace and understanding.
What am I doing?
My posts are mostly split into two main categories:
“Where the Wind Carries Me” - Stories from when I tried to fake my suicide and ran away from home at the age of 24. These will be posted in chronological order following the events of my travels through Mexico and Central America.
“The Third Coming of Christ” - Stories from my major psychotic break when I believed I was the return of Christ sent by god to save humanity from the end of the world. I will write these stories in an on-demand fashion or as I am inspired. It is very difficult for me to concretely order all of the experiences and I feel a better narrative can be created by bouncing around a little through time.
I hope you can find some value in my writing, and if you also suffer from mental illness I hope it can ease the difficulties of your day-to-day experiences. All questions and comments are encouraged, I am almost an entirely open book and will gracefully and humbly receive any constructive criticism anyone is willing to share.
Thank you for your time, your reading inspires my writing.
This is just the introduction and I can feel how raw and honest this is going to be! Wow.
Hi Erick, hope you're doing ok! Haven't seen you here for a while 💖